always drinking coffee | forever dreaming about tattoos


Things haven’t been easy lately. It’s honestly been a roller coaster for the last week. I don’t really know where to begin, but I’ve got to start somewhere…

Well there really is no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it. I’m pregnant… And I hid/concealed it from my parents for a long time – almost the entire pregnancy. They found out last week. Everything since then has pretty much been a whirlwind of phone calls, appointments, adoption meetings, etc.

Yes, I just said adoption meetings. I am not going to keep the baby. Neither the people in my house nor the father of the baby are in a position to care for it. By making the adoption plan that I am, I’m giving the child a better first chance at life. There’s a lot involved with making the adoption plan, but I’ve got people helping me and with them behind me it’s not as daunting. The whole situation is scary, but I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t be scared in the situation that I am.

On Monday I had an OB appt, but not a whole lot really happened there because of how far along I am. I heard baby’s heartbeat, they took some blood for tests, I got the name of an adoption agency, they scheduled a sonogram the following morning for me, and I made another appt for the end of the week. After I got home from the OB appt, I got in touch with the adoption agency. I was put in contact with the pregnancy counselor for the office nearest to me, and scheduled a meeting for the next day.

Tuesday I had the sonogram in the morning, and the adoption meeting in the afternoon.
At the sonogram I found out I’m having a little girl, and she’s doing just fine. I’m 39 weeks (due on Monday of next week), but everything they were measuring said that I’m 37 weeks. When the doctor came in to talk to me he said that it’s not uncommon for them to read plus or minus a couple weeks when a woman is this far along, so I’m not worried.

The adoption meeting is actually what had me more nervous than the sonogram. I don’t know why because that was the easier of the two. The pregnancy counselor was so sweet. There were a lot of forms to sign, but she explained them individually before I signed them. She went over a huge portion of the adoption process – there’s still some stuff I don’t understand, but I can have her clarify when I see her on Friday again. There was a huge social/medical history form that I had to bring home and fill out, as well as a hospital plan. I’m also in the process of looking at couple/family profiles to see who I want to adopt the baby. There’s gonna be some legal paperwork afterwards that I’ll have to sign – both the baby’s dad and I will have to surrender our rights as parents so that she can be adopted.

Friday I started thinking about packing a hospital bag since she’s due Monday. There’s no a guarantee that she’ll be born then, but that’s when I officially hit 40 weeks. The basics are:

  • pajamas
  • brush/toothbrush
  • slippers/peds
  • toiletries
  • coming home clothes/shoes
  • book or kindle (probably both since my kindle’s so small)
  • maybe a stuffed animal or pillow
  • and of course all the paperwork (that I haven’t gotten yet)

There’s really not much that I’ll be taking with me, because hopefully I won’t be there very long. Anything that I would’ve done from my laptop, I can do on my phone – note to self: don’t forget a phone charger – so that’s gonna get left at home.

It’s now Sunday and I still haven’t packed that hospital bag. But the goal by the end of today is to have it done, so I’ll be figuring that stuff out soon enough. This is gonna be a long week waiting for her to arrive. I don’t have anything to do this week except another ob/gyn appointment on Thursday afternoon.

In talking to the father of the baby, everything is stressful right now. We both just kind of want this whole ordeal to be over, but all I can really do is hurry up and wait. We know that she’s going to a better home than we could provide for her right now, and that’s absolutely what we want. But we just don’t know when the healing process is gonna be able to start, and that’s the absolute hardest part for us right now.

Things got a little (to say the least) crazy last night, so packing my bag got put on hold. However it did get done today. All that I have to grab when the time comes is my phone charger, my stuffed animal, and my book/kindle. So that’s gonna be really easy cause I know where everything is. I’ve got my phone on the charger right now so it’ll be good to go when time comes – it’s currently at 65% and climbing.

I felt my stomach get kinda tight about 40 minutes ago, but I haven’t felt anything since. I’m paying attention so I know what’s going on though. And also keeping an eye on her movement in case it slows down too much and something’s wrong. I mean, I’ve noticed that she’s not moving around quite as much lately because space is limited but she’s still been moving enough that I’m not worried. Hopefully something won’t go wrong now that I’ve started to pay closer attention to my belly since I felt that tightening..

But I suppose the adventure has begun now since today is her due date…

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About Me

Hello! Welcome! My name is Katy!
You can find me drinking coffee until it’s time for wine. Currently have 5 tattoos, but plans for more are in the works.
I’m a birthmom over 8 years post placement. I’ve been in a birthmom support group since November 2018, and will be leading my own come May 2023.
On Sunday mornings you can usually find me in the nursery or on the production team at church.
Various times throughout the year, you can find me staying with someone’s dog(s) while they’re away on a trip – so don’t be surprised if there are stories or pictures every so often.

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