always drinking coffee | forever dreaming about tattoos

Your Issues Are Not My Problem and Definitely Not My Fault

I’ve learned recently that sometimes you just have to let the way someone’s acting toward you be their issue, not yours.

This past weekend I stayed at a friend’s house celebrating her 21st birthday and, as most people would do, we were drinking a good bit. Another friend on mine called me Friday night to see what I was up to – I was on the way out to dinner – and I told him I was gonna be pretty much unavailable till Monday (today) because I was drinking the next two nights. He told me to be careful/smart about it and have fun. 

Now bear in mind that this guy is in AA, but it has nothing to do with me. 

I didn’t hear from him again till Saturday night when we were on our way to the second bar, or shortly after we’d gotten there. I’m not fully sure of timing. This was our conversation: 

time stamp | who’s talking: text message

10:34 | Him: Its your twin
10:47 | Me: Hi
10:47 | Him: Hi…
10:47 | Me: What’s up?
10:49 | Him: Nothing…
10:49 | Me: Don’t lie to me
10:52 | Him: Im upset and frustrated and i want to get away from all the pain.. I was hurt when you said one of us could drink
10:53 | Me: I’m sorry. But this is the first chance I’ve had. And there’s nothing wrong with me drinking. The fact that you’re hurt by the fact that one of us can drink isn’t my fault
10:54 | Him: It was the way you said it
10:56 | Me: I’m excited about this. And I’m not sorry about that
10:57 | Him: Whatever..

I didn’t respond after that. I didn’t see much point. He was obviously pissed at me. And really, if he was mad at me for celebrating a big birthday with a best friend of 6 years (when he hasn’t even known me a year), that’s a little pathetic in my opinion. There wasn’t anything I could do that would change his mind. And one of the guys in the group took my phone away from me at that point anyway.

I’d had like 4 drinks at this point – I could still function but I could definitely feel the alcohol.

But regardless of the alcohol I’d had, I still knew that the fact that I was drinking and he couldn’t was NOT my problem. I’d played absolutely no part in his alcohol consumption getting insanely out of control. That was an issue before I even met him. 

I didn’t feel guilty by any means that I was out essentially getting drunk for the first time. It’s not something that I do with any frequency at all. A big night of drinking for me is usually all of 2 glasses of wine at home. Plus, the reason I was out that night was something that doesn’t happen often – the next time I have friends turning 21 is in late October. And I have no plans of getting drunk then. I’m just gonna go out with them and have maybe 2 drinks at most. 

But the real issue I have here is that he was upset with me because I can drink and he can’t. It’s not my fault he was an alcoholic. I understand that you shouldn’t make a big deal out of being able to drink to someone in AA, but just telling them that you’re drinking the next couple nights because it’s a friend’s 21st birthday shouldn’t cause that big an issue – especially when they’ve told you to have fun. 

~~~end rant~~~

The people I talked to about it already say he overreacted – I wasn’t in the wrong to be excited about my weekend. Nor was his alcoholism my fault.


One response to “Your Issues Are Not My Problem and Definitely Not My Fault”

  1. […] most recent stress I had was when a friend who hurt me pretty bad last month (see this post for explanation) asked me to do something for him while he’s trying to make amends with me. A friend that we […]

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About Me

Hello! Welcome! My name is Katy!
You can find me drinking coffee until it’s time for wine. Currently have 5 tattoos, but plans for more are in the works.
I’m a birthmom over 8 years post placement. I’ve been in a birthmom support group since November 2018, and will be leading my own come May 2023.
On Sunday mornings you can usually find me in the nursery or on the production team at church.
Various times throughout the year, you can find me staying with someone’s dog(s) while they’re away on a trip – so don’t be surprised if there are stories or pictures every so often.

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