always drinking coffee | forever dreaming about tattoos

Flip a Switch

I sit here, wanting to write something, wanting to spend my time writing something for other people to see on my blog. But I have no clue what to write about. I struggle for ideas because I feel like I don’t really have something to offer. This blog is just an extension of my brain, but I don’t know if anyone actually wants to read it. 

School started a couple week ago for me, and my brother went back today. I haven’t actually been on campus for over a week now because of the way my schedule is currently, but that’s changing tomorrow.

So I started working on this post earlier, and I had some idea of where I was going with it, but now I’ve got no clue. And there’s something else that I want to write about now anyway. 

I was talking about something with a friend the other day, and I got to the point that I didn’t know what to say and I felt awful so I just stopped responding. But before I did that, I told them that I didn’t know how to be human. I found out later that they didn’t want me to go, but they didn’t know what to say to make me stay either. At this point I know I can’t change what happened, but I just wish they’d at least tried cause I feel like they just gave up. And something would’ve been better than nothing. They would’ve at least been able to say that they tried.

I realize that, you know, I’m not always the easiest person to deal with but if you make no effort to get me to stay, how can you expect me to know what you want? 

The problem is, that, when things like that happen, I can’t just flip a switch and fix everything. My brain chemistry doesn’t work like that. I don’t know of anyone whose does.

Honestly, I cry when I get frustrated/upset. I can’t help it. It just kinda happens. I know I need to learn how to deal with confrontations – even though that really wasn’t one – but it’s something that’s much easier said than done. 

Another thing I need to work on is not being so, frustrated, I guess, when people don’t respond back to me in the time I want them to. I know they’re busy. I know they have other things that they’re doing. But somehow I still manage to let it get under my skin that they’re “taking too long”. It’s stupid I know. 

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About Me

Hello! Welcome! My name is Katy!
You can find me drinking coffee until it’s time for wine. Currently have 5 tattoos, but plans for more are in the works.
I’m a birthmom over 8 years post placement. I’ve been in a birthmom support group since November 2018, and will be leading my own come May 2023.
On Sunday mornings you can usually find me in the nursery or on the production team at church.
Various times throughout the year, you can find me staying with someone’s dog(s) while they’re away on a trip – so don’t be surprised if there are stories or pictures every so often.

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