Yesterday my friend Sarah and I were talking about self-therapy and what we do for ourselves when we’re feeling down. I want to say that I said something about writing, and she mentioned that she does art. I said that I had kind of given up on art a while ago because I always felt like I was never good enough. She suggested that I give it a shot anyway. So I did. I drew the picture you can see in my last post. She took the uncolored version and ran with it to create an article. She then got permission from me to use my picture, and of course I said yes.
Today, we find out that it made it to the front page of the website under ‘Creativity’. We’re so in shock/awe that we’re lost for words. All we can say it’s “I can’t believe it!” and “It’s crazy!” and “It’s SO awesome!”
That about sums up how we’re feeling about this.
Something wasn’t right. I could feel it. Normally I wasn’t awake at this time of night. There had to be a problem for me not to be fast asleep.
I stayed in my bed, safe and warm under my blankets. There was this voice in my head telling me to get up and walk around. As much as I yearned to roll over and go back to sleep, I decided to get up and explore the apartment.
Opening my bedroom door, there was a draft of cold air. It was November outside, but I didn’t remember leaving anything open. Cautiously, I continued toward the living room.
Nothing was left open or broken. However I was overwhelmed with an array of negative thoughts. They were so bombarding that I collapsed in the middle of the floor. I couldn’t ignore the voices.
No one loves you
You’ll never amount to anything
You can’t do anything right
You’d be better off dead
Those things swirled around in my head uncontrollably. I heard my phone right back in my room and I crawled to get it. My boyfriend was still awake and had messaged me. He said he loves me. That was enough to silence the monsters. At least temporarily.
I sat there staring at my phone for a while, just letting it sink in. When I was finally beginning to believe that someone (and many others) love(s) me, I made myself some coffee and sat down at the table to write this.