always drinking coffee | forever dreaming about tattoos

The Midnight Visitor

Something wasn’t right. I could feel it. Normally I wasn’t awake at this time of night. There had to be a problem for me not to be fast asleep.

I stayed in my bed, safe and warm under my blankets. There was this voice in my head telling me to get up and walk around. As much as I yearned to roll over and go back to sleep, I decided to get up and explore the apartment.

Opening my bedroom door, there was a draft of cold air. It was November outside, but I didn’t remember leaving anything open. Cautiously, I continued toward the living room.

Nothing was left open or broken. However I was overwhelmed with an array of negative thoughts. They were so bombarding that I collapsed in the middle of the floor. I couldn’t ignore the voices.

You’re worthless
No one loves you
You’ll never amount to anything
You’re ugly
You’re selfish
You’re fat
You’re hopeless
You can’t do anything right
You’d be better off dead

Those things swirled around in my head uncontrollably. I heard my phone right back in my room and I crawled to get it. My boyfriend was still awake and had messaged me. He said he loves me. That was enough to silence the monsters. At least temporarily.

I sat there staring at my phone for a while, just letting it sink in. When I was finally beginning to believe that someone (and many others) love(s) me, I made myself some coffee and sat down at the table to write this.

2 responses to “The Midnight Visitor”

  1. You are a beautiful person and writer. I was there with you while reading this.

  2. […] enough. She suggested that I give it a shot anyway. So I did. I drew the picture you can see in my last post. She took the uncolored version and ran with it to create an article. She then got permission from […]

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About Me

Hello! Welcome! My name is Katy!
You can find me drinking coffee until it’s time for wine. Currently have 5 tattoos, but plans for more are in the works.
I’m a birthmom over 8 years post placement. I’ve been in a birthmom support group since November 2018, and will be leading my own come May 2023.
On Sunday mornings you can usually find me in the nursery or on the production team at church.
Various times throughout the year, you can find me staying with someone’s dog(s) while they’re away on a trip – so don’t be surprised if there are stories or pictures every so often.

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