Dear Depression –

Dear Depression,

I hate how you pull me down into an emotional mess of nothing. I have no energy and I don’t want to do anything. Just getting dressed is a struggle some days because of you. Nights are getting more and more lonely. I know I have people I can talk to, but I just feel guilty dumping you on them because you’re mine.

I don’t have an appetite like I used to. Some days I barely eat anything. Other days I eat entirely too much. I never know what each day is going to hold.

Things are too complicated with you. Some days you leave me alone and other days you cling to me like I’m the air in your lungs. I don’t understand it.

I was taking one dose of a medication before and it wasn’t enough, then the dose was doubled to the full dose and now it’s like it’s too much. It’s almost having a negative effect. But maybe that’s you taking over. I don’t know. All I can say is that I don’t like it.

I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep. Watch Netflix until my vision goes blurry from starting at the screen too long. I don’t want to worry about what other people think of me for admitting that I need help. I don’t want to admit that I need help. I don’t want people to think less of me because I’m struggling.

You are a horrible evil creature that has decided to take up residence inside my brain and I don’t care for it. I don’t understand what twisted kind of fun you think this is. It’s all kinds of twisted. I don’t know what to do with you. You’re taking away parts of me that I used to love. My desire to read has greatly decreased since you came in. My ability to write anything I feel is worthy of sharing has diminished.

I cannot wait until I have the right medication that puts you under its thumb so I can start feeling better finally.

Sincerely,
A girl who cannot take much more