always drinking coffee | forever dreaming about tattoos

Dear Depression –

Dear Depression,

I hate how you pull me down into an emotional mess of nothing. I have no energy and I don’t want to do anything. Just getting dressed is a struggle some days because of you. Nights are getting more and more lonely. I know I have people I can talk to, but I just feel guilty dumping you on them because you’re mine.

I don’t have an appetite like I used to. Some days I barely eat anything. Other days I eat entirely too much. I never know what each day is going to hold.

Things are too complicated with you. Some days you leave me alone and other days you cling to me like I’m the air in your lungs. I don’t understand it.

I was taking one dose of a medication before and it wasn’t enough, then the dose was doubled to the full dose and now it’s like it’s too much. It’s almost having a negative effect. But maybe that’s you taking over. I don’t know. All I can say is that I don’t like it.

I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep. Watch Netflix until my vision goes blurry from starting at the screen too long. I don’t want to worry about what other people think of me for admitting that I need help. I don’t want to admit that I need help. I don’t want people to think less of me because I’m struggling.

You are a horrible evil creature that has decided to take up residence inside my brain and I don’t care for it. I don’t understand what twisted kind of fun you think this is. It’s all kinds of twisted. I don’t know what to do with you. You’re taking away parts of me that I used to love. My desire to read has greatly decreased since you came in. My ability to write anything I feel is worthy of sharing has diminished.

I cannot wait until I have the right medication that puts you under its thumb so I can start feeling better finally.

A girl who cannot take much more

2 responses to “Dear Depression –”

  1. So true with what you have said about depression and all its bad things it can do to many of us. I feel and know what you are saying. Know that at the end of the day you can overcome and live another day…best to..all..thanks for sharing!

    1. Wanted to add this…Know that you can overcome depression…..I have been there many times and I know it seems very bad at the moment you are in….but know one thing that there are many more moments in your life…Seek and gather all that is good in your life and support….it will be better…I sense it and feel it…best to you!!

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About Me

Hello! Welcome! My name is Katy!
You can find me drinking coffee until it’s time for wine. Currently have 5 tattoos, but plans for more are in the works.
I’m a birthmom over 8 years post placement. I’ve been in a birthmom support group since November 2018, and will be leading my own come May 2023.
On Sunday mornings you can usually find me in the nursery or on the production team at church.
Various times throughout the year, you can find me staying with someone’s dog(s) while they’re away on a trip – so don’t be surprised if there are stories or pictures every so often.

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