always drinking coffee | forever dreaming about tattoos

Tough Days

Hey. Uhm, I just wanna put this out there. Just because I’m having a bad day and I can’t function like I should doesn’t mean that I’m not fighting. I’m fighting my absolute hardest right now because all I wanna do is curl up in my bed and cry. I haven’t gotten stuff done around my house. No. I can’t, I just can’t. I am, I don’t want to say proud, but I’ve gotten some stuff done on my computer today for Stigma Fighters and just for myself. And that’s really all I’ve done. But at least I got that done. And I just, I want people to understand that just because someone’s having a really bad day, and they can’t do all the stuff they normally do, doesn’t mean they gave up. I just means that they’re fighting hard that day. And they’re trying the best that they can, and they want you to know that. But they’re too afraid to say it. So I’m saying it for them; for everyone who can’t function like they want to, and for everyone who’s scared to say that they’re fighting that hard.

That is a video (and transcript of what I said) that I recorded yesterday when I was having a really, really awful day. I wanted to do so many things, but I just wasn’t able to. All I could manage to do was sit at my computer and talk to my friend on Skype, and do some work for Stigma Fighters. Well, that and crying obviously. I don’t know what caused the emotional issues. Maybe it was just a bad day, and the dreary, rainy, chilly weather exacerbated it.

I needed to say that because not only is it something that other people need to understand, but it was a reminder to myself. Just because I’m really struggling one day, and I’m fighting to be ok, and I feel like I’m failing because I’m not ok, doesn’t mean that I’m a failure. It means that I’m human. It means that I’m trying and I’m getting by. Another day that I survive, is another victory.

I’m going to see my new psychiatrist tomorrow, and I’m hoping that we’ll be able to figure something out because I don’t want to go through repeats of yesterday if I can prevent it. I know I am doing fairly well on my own, but I also know that I can’t keep going without real help. I’ve been going along with my primary care doctor, but she can only do so much in the medication department. So hopefully I’ll be able to find a way to combat days like that without all but shutting down.

One response to “Tough Days”

  1. ❤ thanks for posting. I feel like this SO many days. I know “normal” people don’t understand it. That’s the worst thing about having an invisible illness. They have no idea how hard we fight in our minds and our hearts even on the good days, but especially on the bad days. Keep your head up.

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About Me

Hello! Welcome! My name is Katy!
You can find me drinking coffee until it’s time for wine. Currently have 5 tattoos, but plans for more are in the works.
I’m a birthmom over 8 years post placement. I’ve been in a birthmom support group since November 2018, and will be leading my own come May 2023.
On Sunday mornings you can usually find me in the nursery or on the production team at church.
Various times throughout the year, you can find me staying with someone’s dog(s) while they’re away on a trip – so don’t be surprised if there are stories or pictures every so often.

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