I think the most lost I’ve felt, was after I lost someone very few people knew I had a relationship with.
My emotions were all over the place. I felt like the roller coaster would never end. Tasks that should’ve been easy seemed like they were insurmountable. No one around me really understood what I was going through. And the one person who did, wouldn’t talk about it.
Writing didn’t really helps at the time because I couldn’t articulate what exactly I was feeling. I had lost this person, but because so few people knew about our relationship, the way I was feeling wasn’t really something they could wrap their head around.
As time has gone on, I’ve slowly become less lost. But there are absolutely still days when I feel like part of me is missing. However, the truth, if I’m being honest, is that part of me IS missing because they were such an important part of my life.
There isn’t any one certain thing that’s helped me to heal. I’ve just faced the tough days with as much grace and strength as I can.
Sometimes that means watching Netflix for hours on end.
Sometimes that means staying in bed half the day.
Sometimes that means crying at the drop of a hat.
Sometimes that means escaping reality in books.
Sometimes that means I actually have words to express in writing – whether anyone reads those words is a different story though.
But now that I’ve started being more open about my story and experience, I’ve discovered that people will listen and sympathize even if they can’t ever understand what I’ve been through. And I’ve found an amazing community of people that act as a support system for me when I need them. So there are definitely days when I’m not so lonely now.
I do still get lonely in my situation though because there’s no one who lives near me who understands. But those in my life who do their best to try and understand what I’ve gone through have definitely made the whole thing a lot easier.
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