In the past I preemptively sent someone to the moon – before working through things with this person. Then I allowed this person to come back from the moon…
When I allowed them back, things seemed to go well at first. But then I started to realize that I didn’t want to play their games anymore, and I put my foot down about it. They weren’t too thrilled with me for that…
Before I had enough game playing, we dealt with the things we hadn’t before I’d sent them to the moon. So when I sent them back to the moon, I knew that’s where they belonged.
I put up boundaries, not because I was trying to change them, but, because I could only handle so much of this person.
The decision to put the boundaries in place wasn’t easy. It was difficult and painful, and even a little ugly. Unpleasant names were used by both of us and insults were hurled. Contact with them was completely severed.
It’s been almost a year and this person is still on the moon. I don’t think about them unless the SOUL HOUSE and/or BOUNDARIES are brought up or discussed. I feel like I’m a bit better of a person because I civilly worked through things with them and then put them where they truly deserved to be.
Boundaries aren’t usually easy.
Boundaries aren’t always pretty.
But BOUNDARIES are absolutely necessary because you need to know where to DRAW YOUR LINE.
- Who is allowed in your house?
- You permit these people to see all sides of you – the good, the bad, the ugly, etc.
- Who is on your porch?
- You allow these people to be very close to your core, but you still keep a little bit of distance
- Who is in your yard?
- You are close with, but you prefer to keep it light and more superficial
- Who is just on the other side of the fence?
- Who do you talk to, on your terms, and at a specific distance?
- Who is down on the corner?
- You are friends with them, but they’re more like acquaintances do you keep them at more of a distance than your fence
- Who is at Starbucks?
- Who do you have in your life that you need to limit your time with to something like thirty minutes to an hour?
- Who is up on the space station?
- Who do you really have to limit your time with? Who makes you just feel worse after being around them or talking to them?
- Who is on the moon?
- Who was toxic that you have you cut ties with? Who has absolutely no place in your life anymore?
- Who SHOULD be on the moon?
- Who is toxic in your life? Who do you need to cut ties with? Who can you realistically cut out of your life?
Take some baby steps
- Tune into your feelings
- Name your limits
- Be direct
- Give yourself permission
- Practice self-awareness
- Consider your past & present
- Make self-care a priority
- Seek support
- Be assertive
- Start small