On the Other Side of Insanity

Well, it’s August now – and somehow I made it through July…

Walking out of July I felt broken, and still do to a degree, but also somehow stronger than I was before. I know there are always struggles, but there are always good things too. It’s so much easier to get caught up in the struggles when they’re hitting one after another. 

I’ve dealt with a lot those thirty-one days. My daughter’s birthday. Seeing her and J&J for our visit. My church regathering in the building. Her placement anniversary. Three different dogsitting jobs with no more than 6 nights at home in between. 

I planned a beach trip with a girlfriend. I got a raise at work. Adoptive parents posted pictures on her birthday. She was willing to take pictures with us. My granddad gave me a new computer.

There’s no “right” way to deal with this stuff. No one can tell you what’s for sure going to work for you. They can share what they did, but that doesn’t mean that things will look the same for you. 

There are friends who played parts in helping me through the month, and I am so grateful for them. T is an adoptive mama from the same agency who happens to live near me – I’ll save our wild connections for another post. M is another adoptive mama that I’m getting to know. S is yet another adoptive mama in my corner, who I’ve been following since around the time of her second disruption. K is a hopeful mama who I’ve been talking to for over a year now. And of course A and S and E (all birthmamas) FaceTimed me on my daughter’s birthday and sang happy birthday. 

I love these women so much 🥰 and I really hope they know that 🥰

I’ve spent so many nights alone in July. So many nights feeling numb. So many nights wanting to just stop the feelings. So many nights just lost in my head and unable to get back into the present.

It was just so much happening at once and not enough time to process it.