Hey there love,
I know things right now are scary. I’ve been in your shoes. I know how you feel.
You’re afraid of judgement on your situation. You’re afraid your child will grow up and hate you for placing them. You might be afraid that the adoptive parents will break their promises down the road.
I heart stories about all kind of different ways adoptions turned out. I know there is no way to predict how things will go down the road, so all you can ready do is hope for the best.
My daughter was placed when she was ten days old. Her parents didn’t have any kids before, so we’re all navigating open adoption for the first time together. But now I want to share some things I’ve learned along the way.
If your adoption agency allows you to have a hand in choosing the family to place your child with, do it. It can be overwhelming, but I highly suggest following your gut. You’ll know the right family when you see them.
When you go into labor and deliver your baby, there will be lots of emotions. You may cry, and that’s totally okay. See your baby when you feel ready. Don’t let anyone rush you or tell you you shouldn’t.
Take pictures of your baby. Take pictures of you together. Send them to the adoptive parents if you can. Those moments with him/her in the hospital are precious memories. Having those pictures and memories are a help when you’re having a bad day – or at least they have been for me.
Don’t be afraid of the social worker who comes in while you’re in the hospital. It’s standard procedure, and they just want to make sure you weren’t pressured into choosing adoption for your child.
You are not less of a person because of the choice you made to place. I know you might feel that way, but I promise you are still such an amazing person. Do not let anyone make you feel bad about the decision you made.
You are giving the family you choose such an amazing gift. You are giving them a baby! You are gaining a new family through your child’s adoption. Enjoy your new life to come!
This is actually an entry in my journal from today:
My mood seems to be kind of all over the place lately. I go back to my psych on Friday, and I’m thinking we may need to up my Zoloft from 50mg to 75mg. It’ll really be up to her though, even though she really does listen to me and take my feelings/opinions into consideration when making medication decisions. Whcih is a totally different approach than the previous two psychiatrist I had. I’m very grateful for the difference, but it’s taken some adjusting to.
Oh, and then there’s the fact that I never really felt comfortable really opening up to doctors in the past, but it’s the opposite with her. I told her about my daughter, and she told me her sister adopted a child and has a relationship with the birthmohter. It’s like a small connection with her, and I like that. There wasn’t a hesitation when I would answer her questions. I felt like I could be completely honest without fear of harsh judgement.
The fear of harsh judgement actually comes from a psychologist/therapist I went to in the past. I told her that I had self-harmed (I’d cut myself), and she told me that depressed people don’t cut themselves. ONly people with distorted thinking patterns do that. I’d never really gotten along with her very well, so I took what she said as my breaking point and never went back to her again.
I also haven’t gone to another therapist or psychologist since then, and it’s been almost four years.
Yesterday I went to a new psychiatrist for the first time in like 11+ months.
There was a lot of anxiety leading up to the appointment. I knew it was what I needed and it was a good thing in the long run, I was still nervous and scared.
But the appointment went well. I was immediately more comfortable with the psych nurse I saw than I ever was with the psychiatrists I’ve seen in the past. I felt like she was much more thorough than the others had been.
There were lots of questions, which is typical with a new psychiatrist. I didn’t feel judged or like I said things she didn’t really care about or think relevant. We even got off topic a couple times, but we quickly re-focused.
She doesn’t agree that I have Bipolar Disorder II like I was told several years ago. She thinks it’s depression with manic elements. I’ve started taking Zoloft and Seroquel.
New medications side effects always suck. The Zoloft is what’s making me feel like crap right now though. I’m got an upset stomach, and I’m not sleepy but I’m tired and I’ve got a pretty low energy level.
If I look at the paper from the pharmacy when I picked it up, typical side effects can include:
- Feeling sleepy
- Feeling tired or weak
- Nervous or excitable
- Upset stomach
- Loose stools (diarrhea)
- Dry mouth
- Hard stools (constipation)
- Not able to sleep
However, the side effects that require immediately notifying your doctor include:
- Signs of an allergic reaction, like rash; hives; itching; red, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin with or without fever; wheezing; tightness in the chest or throat; trouble breathing or talking; unusual hoarseness; or swelling of the mouth, face, lips, tongue, or throat
- Signs of low sodium levels like headache, trouble focusing, memory problems, feeling confused, weakness, seizures, or changes in balance
- Signs of bleeding like throwing up blood or throw up that looks like coffee grounds; coughing up blood; blooding the urine; red, black, or tarry stools; bleeding from the gums; vaginal bleeding that is not normal; bruises without a reason that get bigger, or any bleeding that is very bad or that you cannot stop
- Change in how you act
- A heartbeat that does not feel normal
- Chest pain or pressure
- Not able to control bladder
- Very bad headache
- A big weight gain or loss
- Lowered interest in sex
- Change in sex ability
Now, I read these things and highlight all the side effects, so that if something does happen I can see if it’s something minor that should go away or if it’s something serious.
Make a list of 30 things that make you smile
- good books
- new episodes of my favorite show(s) on Netflix
- shea/cocoa butter
- cozy blankets
- free stuff for hosting parties
- perfectly applying lipstick first try
- birth control I don’t have to worry about daily
- catching up with friends
- seeing former teachers I really liked
- snuggling little tiny babies
- Thanksgiving at my aunt’s house
- The Grand Tour on Amazon Prime
- jeans that fit perfectly
- perfectly painted nails
- putting feelings down on paper
- driving “back country” roads
- knee socks
- music that fits the mood prefectly
- crawling into bed after a long day
- sweater/hoodie weather
- YouTube stationary hauls & posts on IG
- sentimental gifts
- getting new pictures of my daughter
- when I get to see my daughter
List out your nightly or morning routine
Not everything is done every night, and they’re in no particular order:
- set up my bujo for the next day
- brush teeth
- take makeup off
- wash face
- put on moisturizer
- scroll through social media
- put in night guard
Write a list of everything that inspires you – from books to websites to quotes to people to paintings to stores to the stars
stream of consciousness
The things that are most likely going to happen in this country under the rule of President Elect Donald Trump are truly scary to think about…
The things that he intends to do to women’s healthcare, the LGBTQIA+ community, immigrants, and Muslims, just to name a few have so many people afraid for their lives.
One of my best friends is part of the LGBT community and, because of where they live, they’re afraid for their life when they leave home sometimes. Me? I’m lucky that I’m a cisgender, heterosexual female in that sense. (But there will be more on that in a collaboration post with them later.)
But I am afraid of what Trump will do to healthcare, in repealing Obamacare (the Affordable Care Act) and specifically women’s birth control and abortion laws. Birth control could become extremely difficult to get, and if he manages to find a way to overturn Roe v. Wade, abortions could become illegal. The thought of abortions being illegal makes me feel sick.
I’m sitting here fighting back tears as I try to write this, because, 20/20 hindsight, I kinda wish I’d waited till the election to make a decision about my birth control. But I didn’t and I can’t change what I did now. I had my IUD removed because it was causing pain that I technically could have, but really just didn’t want to deal with anymore, so I’m on the combo pill again. But I’m wondering if staying on the pill is really a good option with everything that could happen once he’s inaugerated.
My next option was originally the mini pill, but I’m thinking that something longer term would probably be the better route given what Trump seems to want to do. So I need to call my new insurance and see what coverage would look like with Nexplanon and then see about contacting my OB/GYN to discuss things with her.
This whole thing is just scaring me..
Write the words you need to hear
happy birthday to me
Just because what you are feeling is different, does not mean you are broken.
Everyone deals with things differently.
You are loved – even if you don’t feel like it.
Just because you don’t match societal beauty standards doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful.
No matter how weak you think you are, you are one of the strongest people I know.
Pull inspiration for your makeup and clothes from the shows you love to watch and what you think your favorite book characters look like – experiment.
Using 10 words, describe yourself