- There’s so much going on right now. Dad’s back to work this week after his knee surgery Jan 23.
- I’m trying to form some kind of sleep schedule, but it’s not really working terribly well.
- I’ve been running errands all over the place since dad’s surgery.
Two of my favorite shows are now back on the air on Tuesday nights back to back – Switched at Birth and The Fosters.
- I need to start reading another book soon. It’ll be my fifth or sixth one in 2017. I haven’t quite decided how I feel about the newest James Patterson mum and I picked up at Costco.
- I was talking to Courtney about YouTube videos and blog posts. I’ve made a few videos in the past, but they were pretty crap. I think I want to start making some again, but I haven’t got a clue what kind of content it’d be. They suggested tag videos, so I’ve noted a couple that I wanna think about doing.
- As for blog posts, I’m lacking ideas but I’m also lacking motivation. I’m hoping that watching my two shows again will spark something in me enough to start writing again – even if it’s just in my journal at first.
- Watching Emmett be placed on a 5-day hold because he overdosed, and then be told that depression runs in his family, it struck a familiar chord with me. I know what it’s like to feel like something’s wrong but also be unable to explain it to anyone. To wonder if things are better off without you. It’s a scary thing to deal with, but unfortunately, I think most people with mental health diagnoses face those at sold point or another.
- I need to finish my adoption talk blog link-up piece about navigating open adoption and get it posted ask I can participate and meet more birthmoms. I don’t know how well it’ll work out though cause I haven’t really planned for it.
- Sitting in the vet’s office waiting for blood results for Magic. We don’t know if it’s senility or renal failure, but this will show us if it’s anything major. She’s 16, so whatever we do won’t be long-term.
Yesterday I went to a new psychiatrist for the first time in like 11+ months.
There was a lot of anxiety leading up to the appointment. I knew it was what I needed and it was a good thing in the long run, I was still nervous and scared.
But the appointment went well. I was immediately more comfortable with the psych nurse I saw than I ever was with the psychiatrists I’ve seen in the past. I felt like she was much more thorough than the others had been.
There were lots of questions, which is typical with a new psychiatrist. I didn’t feel judged or like I said things she didn’t really care about or think relevant. We even got off topic a couple times, but we quickly re-focused.
She doesn’t agree that I have Bipolar Disorder II like I was told several years ago. She thinks it’s depression with manic elements. I’ve started taking Zoloft and Seroquel.
New medications side effects always suck. The Zoloft is what’s making me feel like crap right now though. I’m got an upset stomach, and I’m not sleepy but I’m tired and I’ve got a pretty low energy level.
If I look at the paper from the pharmacy when I picked it up, typical side effects can include:
- Feeling sleepy
- Feeling tired or weak
- Nervous or excitable
- Upset stomach
- Loose stools (diarrhea)
- Dry mouth
- Hard stools (constipation)
- Not able to sleep
However, the side effects that require immediately notifying your doctor include:
- Signs of an allergic reaction, like rash; hives; itching; red, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin with or without fever; wheezing; tightness in the chest or throat; trouble breathing or talking; unusual hoarseness; or swelling of the mouth, face, lips, tongue, or throat
- Signs of low sodium levels like headache, trouble focusing, memory problems, feeling confused, weakness, seizures, or changes in balance
- Signs of bleeding like throwing up blood or throw up that looks like coffee grounds; coughing up blood; blooding the urine; red, black, or tarry stools; bleeding from the gums; vaginal bleeding that is not normal; bruises without a reason that get bigger, or any bleeding that is very bad or that you cannot stop
- Change in how you act
- A heartbeat that does not feel normal
- Chest pain or pressure
- Not able to control bladder
- Very bad headache
- A big weight gain or loss
- Lowered interest in sex
- Change in sex ability
Now, I read these things and highlight all the side effects, so that if something does happen I can see if it’s something minor that should go away or if it’s something serious.
Make a list of 30 things that make you smile
- good books
- new episodes of my favorite show(s) on Netflix
- shea/cocoa butter
- cozy blankets
- free stuff for hosting parties
- perfectly applying lipstick first try
- birth control I don’t have to worry about daily
- catching up with friends
- seeing former teachers I really liked
- snuggling little tiny babies
- Thanksgiving at my aunt’s house
- The Grand Tour on Amazon Prime
- jeans that fit perfectly
- perfectly painted nails
- putting feelings down on paper
- driving “back country” roads
- knee socks
- music that fits the mood prefectly
- crawling into bed after a long day
- sweater/hoodie weather
- YouTube stationary hauls & posts on IG
- sentimental gifts
- getting new pictures of my daughter
- when I get to see my daughter
List out your nightly or morning routine
Not everything is done every night, and they’re in no particular order:
- set up my bujo for the next day
- brush teeth
- take makeup off
- wash face
- put on moisturizer
- scroll through social media
- put in night guard
Write a list of everything that inspires you – from books to websites to quotes to people to paintings to stores to the stars
stream of consciousness
The things that are most likely going to happen in this country under the rule of President Elect Donald Trump are truly scary to think about…
The things that he intends to do to women’s healthcare, the LGBTQIA+ community, immigrants, and Muslims, just to name a few have so many people afraid for their lives.
One of my best friends is part of the LGBT community and, because of where they live, they’re afraid for their life when they leave home sometimes. Me? I’m lucky that I’m a cisgender, heterosexual female in that sense. (But there will be more on that in a collaboration post with them later.)
But I am afraid of what Trump will do to healthcare, in repealing Obamacare (the Affordable Care Act) and specifically women’s birth control and abortion laws. Birth control could become extremely difficult to get, and if he manages to find a way to overturn Roe v. Wade, abortions could become illegal. The thought of abortions being illegal makes me feel sick.
I’m sitting here fighting back tears as I try to write this, because, 20/20 hindsight, I kinda wish I’d waited till the election to make a decision about my birth control. But I didn’t and I can’t change what I did now. I had my IUD removed because it was causing pain that I technically could have, but really just didn’t want to deal with anymore, so I’m on the combo pill again. But I’m wondering if staying on the pill is really a good option with everything that could happen once he’s inaugerated.
My next option was originally the mini pill, but I’m thinking that something longer term would probably be the better route given what Trump seems to want to do. So I need to call my new insurance and see what coverage would look like with Nexplanon and then see about contacting my OB/GYN to discuss things with her.
This whole thing is just scaring me..
Write the words you need to hear
happy birthday to me
Just because what you are feeling is different, does not mean you are broken.
Everyone deals with things differently.
You are loved – even if you don’t feel like it.
Just because you don’t match societal beauty standards doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful.
No matter how weak you think you are, you are one of the strongest people I know.
Pull inspiration for your makeup and clothes from the shows you love to watch and what you think your favorite book characters look like – experiment.
Using 10 words, describe yourself
What do you like to do on a dark and stormy day?
- stay in comfy clothes
- drink coffee/tea (hot or iced depending on the temp)
- curl up under blankets if it’s chilly
- read books
- watch Netflix
Addiction: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming.
Ruby was sin and sex.
The ultimate indulgence and worth every penny she cost me. I paid for her body, but didn’t know she’d end up embedded in my soul.
Elias was dark and tempting.
Unmatched in intensity and passion compared to my other clients. He handed me cash in exchange for my touch, and he dug himself into my heart instead.
Money changes things, firms up the lines of a relationship. But when it becomes an addiction—an all-consuming, life-changing addiction—the lines are completely obliterated.
Alex Lucian is an author living on the eastern coast of the United States who appreciates being anonymous, for personal and professional reasons. Tempting is Alex’s first novel.
Coming October 21st!!
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