Due date: June 30 (today)
Birthday: July 8
Placement: July 18
We’re coming up on a difficult time of year for me – the end of June and just the whole month of July. Especially this year – it’s like a repeat of May 2019… All the running around, and dogsitting, and so few nights in my own bed, along with everything else happening.
Don’t get me wrong… I love the dogs I take care of, and I really love their people too. But when I’m only going to have a max of eight nights at home in my own bed in a month, I’m starting to feel burnt out and exhausted just thinking about it before it even starts.
The most difficult part of being on the go and away from home so much during when things like this are happening is finding the time to take care of yourself and do things that make you feel better.
I’ve talked with multiple people (birthmama friends, adoptive mama friends, the pregnancy counselor who leads my birthmom group, friends with no connection to adoption) about this and tried to come up with a list of things that I can do for myself while being on-the-go so much.
In all the coming and going, and moving from one house to another, and living out of a suitcase… I’ve figured out some things that make bits and pieces of my life just a little bit easier lol.
- I’ve decided that I’m going to pick up a new bathing suit top from Target this weekend so I can lay out in the sun and get a little color before I go see my daughter and “hike” through some woods the following weekend – plus it will be nice to have at one of the houses later in the month since they have a pool and hot tub.
- I’ve got some leggings with pockets on the sides coming in so I can have my phone more readily available for pictures, rather than having to awkwardly get into my backpack. (They’ll also be good for a friend date I’ve got with an adoptive mama friend on Friday night.)
- I’ve got my daughter’s birthday gift – she wanted an LOL OMG doll, so birthdad and I agreed on one and I ordered that.
- I have a lightning to aux input cable for my car so that I don’t have to keep moving my lightning to headphone adapter from my actual headphones to the aux cable in my car and run the risk of losing it…again.
- Plus there’s a coffee grinder coming, which is for the coffee beans I ordered from what Shawn Johnson and Andrew East have started – UniQorn Coffee – which should be arriving soon too 🙂
The insanity starts on the 2nd. I’ll maybe do an update halfway through the month, and then another at the end. But for now. I’ve gotta take the last two nights I’ve got to relax and mentally prepare for the crazy that I’m walking into.
In the past I preemptively sent someone to the moon – before working through things with this person. Then I allowed this person to come back from the moon…
When I allowed them back, things seemed to go well at first. But then I started to realize that I didn’t want to play their games anymore, and I put my foot down about it. They weren’t too thrilled with me for that…
Before I had enough game playing, we dealt with the things we hadn’t before I’d sent them to the moon. So when I sent them back to the moon, I knew that’s where they belonged.
I put up boundaries, not because I was trying to change them, but, because I could only handle so much of this person.
The decision to put the boundaries in place wasn’t easy. It was difficult and painful, and even a little ugly. Unpleasant names were used by both of us and insults were hurled. Contact with them was completely severed.
It’s been almost a year and this person is still on the moon. I don’t think about them unless the SOUL HOUSE and/or BOUNDARIES are brought up or discussed. I feel like I’m a bit better of a person because I civilly worked through things with them and then put them where they truly deserved to be.
Boundaries aren’t usually easy.
Boundaries aren’t always pretty.
But BOUNDARIES are absolutely necessary because you need to know where to DRAW YOUR LINE.
- Who is allowed in your house?
- You permit these people to see all sides of you – the good, the bad, the ugly, etc.
- Who is on your porch?
- You allow these people to be very close to your core, but you still keep a little bit of distance
- Who is in your yard?
- You are close with, but you prefer to keep it light and more superficial
- Who is just on the other side of the fence?
- Who do you talk to, on your terms, and at a specific distance?
- Who is down on the corner?
- You are friends with them, but they’re more like acquaintances do you keep them at more of a distance than your fence
- Who is at Starbucks?
- Who do you have in your life that you need to limit your time with to something like thirty minutes to an hour?
- Who is up on the space station?
- Who do you really have to limit your time with? Who makes you just feel worse after being around them or talking to them?
- Who is on the moon?
- Who was toxic that you have you cut ties with? Who has absolutely no place in your life anymore?
- Who SHOULD be on the moon?
- Who is toxic in your life? Who do you need to cut ties with? Who can you realistically cut out of your life?
Take some baby steps
- Tune into your feelings
- Name your limits
- Be direct
- Give yourself permission
- Practice self-awareness
- Consider your past & present
- Make self-care a priority
- Seek support
- Be assertive
- Start small
Make a list of 30 things that make you smile
- good books
- new episodes of my favorite show(s) on Netflix
- shea/cocoa butter
- cozy blankets
- free stuff for hosting parties
- perfectly applying lipstick first try
- birth control I don’t have to worry about daily
- catching up with friends
- seeing former teachers I really liked
- snuggling little tiny babies
- Thanksgiving at my aunt’s house
- The Grand Tour on Amazon Prime
- jeans that fit perfectly
- perfectly painted nails
- putting feelings down on paper
- driving “back country” roads
- knee socks
- music that fits the mood prefectly
- crawling into bed after a long day
- sweater/hoodie weather
- YouTube stationary hauls & posts on IG
- sentimental gifts
- getting new pictures of my daughter
- when I get to see my daughter
The book Old School/New School Mom is better than I could’ve imagined.
I flew through the whole thing in less than 12 hours.
Sarah Fader is an amazing writer. She doesn’t limit herself to one single topic. She talks about college, parenting, mental illness, relationships, coffee, and all kind of miscellaneous other things. There are pieces in this book that will make you wish you were in her living room so you could hug her, and other that will make you laugh so hard you’re scared you’ll wet your pants.
I highly recommend this book if you’re looking for something different, and that will give you a break from all those books in series that are out there.
I encourage everyone to head on over to Amazon and order yourself a copy RIGHT NOW