New Tattoo

The day after Valentines Day I drove out to Winchester and finally got my second tattoo.

People love to ask me why I went to a shop that’s so far away. It’s a familiar, trusted place. And I thoroughly admire the work of both artists there. Plus, sometimes you simply want to go for a road trip, and there’s just something about taking one with a clear destination. 

It’s a design that I had been looking at for nearly three and a half years. And I was originally going to get it almost two and a half years ago. But at that point, I was let go from my job, all my money went to things that needed to be paid, and then I totalled my truck two days after I had planned to get the tattoo.

This design (insert image later) is the adoption symbol with the Celtic Knot used as the triangle, all done as one line. I have Scotch-Irish heritage, on my mother’s side. The one great-grandmother I knew is where the Irish heritage comes from. If you’ve been around for a while, you know that I placed my daughter for adoption just over five and a half years ago. And something I remembered a few months ago is that my great-grandmother was also a foster mom. So, the two aspects are wound together tighter than I had realized.

Ten Steps to Blogging When You Don’t Feel Like Blogging

1. Get a cup of tea and whine about how blogging is hard for as long as it takes to drink it. (You could even turn this whining into a blog post… *nudge*nudge*)

2. White down ideas you have. They don’t all have to be used. I’ve had ideas that I’ve looked back at later and wondered why I thought I could write about that.

3. Look at what kind of posts you enjoy reading – write down what you like about them and how you could do something similar.

4. Take a few simple ones and start making the lists or trying to bullet point a draft.

5. Look at pictures of nature and imagine what you would be doing if you were there. Write it out.

6. Make a list of your favorite authors, books, artists, songs, tv shows, movies, etc.

7. Review a product/service that you think other people are interested in or should know about.

8. Tell a story of something you’ve been through that could potentially help other people.

9. Make a playlist of songs for a certain activity or feeling. Either list the songs and artists or link your Spotify.

10. Forget you were making this list for over a month… Then come back to it, look it over, and decide if it needs more work (I think we’re good), and post.

Voila!!

South Dakota

South Dakota recently passed legislation that allows adoption agencies to discriminate against LGBTQIA couples. It passed, 43-20-7.

I know there are people in the world today who have very different opinions about the community than I do, but that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to share with you my feelings and opinions about the bill that SD has passed.


 

I talked with my sister about this and she said, “I wish this was something no one had to feel any way about because I wish it wasn’t a thing that happened.” And that’s how I feel about it too. But as a birthmom, maybe I have stronger feelings than someone who doesn’t know the adoption process or have any connection to it.

I feel that adoption should be available to anyone who wants to expand their family that way, LGBTQIA couples included. I honestly don’t understand why people would say that they’re not worthy of being able to adopt. It pains me to think that. LGBTQIA couples can be amazing parents, just like heterosexual couples.

Why are they different? To me, they’re not.

When I chose the family to place my daughter, I felt it that they were right. It wouldn’t have happened with the agency we used, but if the family I fell for had been part of the LGBTQIA community, it wouldn’t have mattered. At all. I knew they were right because I just felt it in my heart and my gut.

But South Dakota passing this bill that legally allows discrimination against these couples is preventing prospective birthmoms from having that same moment when looking through profiles as they just connect and know they’re right. It’s forcing couples to go through lawyers, which can be more expensive and take more time and effort.

I have a good friend, Courtney of Living Queer, who is part of the LGBTQIA community, so I asked them a few questions.

Q: As part of the LGBTQIA community, would you and your partner consider adoption?
       A: Yes we would

Q: Because you can technically pass as female, would you make it known to the agency that you are an LGBTQIA couple or would you fear discrimination and not tell?
       A: I honestly would probably fear discrimination and not tell unless I had continued my transition and couldn’t pass anymore


 

In doing more research, I’ve discovered that other states (Michigan, North Dakota, and Virginia) have similar bills that allow discrimination without fear of retribution. I wasn’t aware of this, and it bothers me. I live in one of those states.

It will also allow agencies to discriminate against single and divorced people, couples who engage in premarital sex, interfaith couples, and anyone else whose behavior or identity violates an agency’s “religious belief or moral conviction.”

Sen. Alan Solano is a Republican from Rapid City. He wrote the bill with help from a staff member of Catholic Social Services. They are an agency who will only place infants with couples who are opposite sex, married at least two years, and unable to conceive children on their own, among other requirements.


 

I don’t know why I thought that this was something new, or that similar things hadn’t already happened in other states, but even days/weeks later, it makes me upset. I hate the idea that there are couples out there who are being denied the chance to adopt. There are so many couples (straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, of differing faiths, it doesn’t matter) who are wanting to adopt, but there are these rules that are preventing them from doing so with certain agencies.

And yes, I understand that there are other ways to adopt than private agencies. But that could require going through the state foster system, and that can cause more stress than necessary.

Yes, every child deserves a loving home, but some couples just don’t have it in them to handle the foster system. Especially if the child is older and can go back to their case worker and say they don’t like the family they’re with. That may be something the couple isn’t emotionally ready to face.

NaBloPoMo – Day 28

Write a list of everything that inspires you – from books to websites to quotes to people to paintings to stores to the stars

Sisterhood of the World Blogger Award

sisterhoodblogaward

January 2nd, I was nominated for the Sisterhood of the World Blogger Award by Amy, who writes over at Under the Surface. Her nomination actually came at a good time for me because I’m hoping to get back into blogging in 2016. I’m currently working on a guest post for this blog, and I can’t wait to hopefully have more guest posts up here on CoffeeTattoos this year.

The Rules:

  • Thank the blogger who gave you the award and link back to their blog
  • Answer the 10 questions given to you
  • Nominate 10 bloggers for the award
  • Write 10 questions for your nominees to answer
  • Display the award on your blog or post

My Answers

How do you like to write? (Include the environment you like to be in, the mood you like to be in and any extras you like to have such as a mug of tea and a blanket…)

When I blog, I tend to be in my bedroom. Usually I’m sitting on my bed with my computer sitting on a lap desk. Generally it’s late at night when I do most of my writing. Often, because I do my writing at night, I’m quite lonely; however, being lonely gives me a different perspective on things and allows me to be a little more honest about what I’m feeling.
As for extras I like to have with me when I’m writing, there aren’t really any staples. Although I do like to listen to music (this is one of my favorite playlists) while I’m working. 

Where do you find the topics you write about?

I know that some people have certain theme for their blogs – like they’re a music, a beauty, or a fashion blogger – but that’s not something that I think I could commit myself to. So that means that my topics come from wherever I find them. I do tend to write about my mental health journey often however. But as for my other topics, there’s no rhyme or reason as to where I find them.

What are your blogging pet peeves?

  • People who do nothing but product reviews
  • People who try to push their opinion on others
  • People who argue with their readers in the comments when they disagree with them

What draws your attention to find a blog and makes you want to follow it?

There really isn’t anything in specific that draws my attention to a blog. I read all posts on a range of topics.
I mean, yes, one of my favorite bloggers (Sarcastica) blogs a good bit about her kids, but she also do posts about other things – like her writing or MHE (you can find some of her posts about it here) or her depression and anxiety. That’s one of my favorite things about her, she doesn’t limit herself to one thing.
If you’re looking to get me to subscribe to/follow your blog, just give me some time to look through what you’ve posted in the past and make my decision.

If there was something you could change in your blogging past, what would it be and why?

Honestly, I hate how people always ask this question. As much as I would love to analyze my blogging history and give you a precise answer about what I would change, I can’t. Because I don’t that think I would be the same blogger I am today if I went back and changed something in my past.
It’s just like life, if you went back to your past and changed something, everything in the future would change as a result of that and you would no longer be the same person you are today.

What is the main thing that keeps you blogging regularly?

Since I started this blog in December 2013, I haven’t really had a set schedule for when I blog. I would just post whenever I felt like I had something to say, however frequently or infrequently that was.
Now that CoffeeTattoos is two years old, and I put up a post the past two Fridays, I’m hoping that I can continue to push myself to expand my writing skills by finding things to post every Friday.
It may not always be much of a post, but I promise that I will do my best to post every week.

In two years time where would you like your blog to be?

I don’t think I have a dream of where my blog will end up going. I used to think that it was important to have a blog that hundreds, or thousands, of people read, but I’ve realized in the last couple years that that’s really not important.
I just want my blog

  • to continue to be a creative outlet for me
  • to be a place for me to connect with my readers
  • to be a way to reach out and get to know other bloggers

Do you share your blog with people you know in real life or is it all online only?

I am selective with who I share my blog with. There are people in real life who know about my blog (my aunt saw me typing and asked if she was allowed to read it). However, there are more people online who know about it. But when I really stop and think about it, my online friends are also my friends in real life – so the answer is both.

What’s your favorite ways to connect with other writers/bloggers?

This is a awful thing to say, but I rarely comment on other blog posts. It’s not that I don’t like connecting with other blogger, but I just don’t really know what to say in response to what they’ve written.
I guess, this year I should make a point of doing better to respond to blog posts others have written.

Do you have any tips you would like to share with fellow bloggers?

The only two pieces of advice I have for fellow bloggers is something that Rachel Thompson said:

  • Give yourself permission to write on ANY topic (even if it will ruffle feathers)
  • Write what scares you

My Nominees

  1. Sarah Fader (Old School/New School Mom)
  2. Jess Davis (Sarcastica)
  3. Marisa Lancing (Mad Girl’s Lament)
  4. Sarah Comerford (The Real Sarah C)
  5. Nicole Lyons (The Lithium Chronicles)
  6. Allie Burke (Organic Coffee, Haphazardly)
  7. Jessica Scarlett (Dabbling in Food Porn)
  8. Courtney Keesee (Courtney’s Voice)
  9. Bipolar On Fire
  10. Kelley (Free of Her Cage)

My 10 Questions

  1. If you could have lunch with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be? Why? What would you talk about?
  2. What are your blogging goals for 2016?
  3. How are you feeling, emotionally, about the year ahead?
  4. When do you think people should have to decide what they want to do with their life? Is 18 too young?
  5. Why do you think there is so much stigma surrounding mental illness, admitting that you need help, and getting said help?
  6. Do you believe in love at first sight or soulmates?
  7. Is there anything you want to write about on your blog but you’re afraid to? If so, I think you should write about that for one of your next posts.
  8. When it comes to kids wanting to dye their hair (any color) or pierce their cartilage or nose when they’re in middle or high school, would you let your child do that? Why or why not?
  9. When it comes to planners, what do you do? Do you use a bullet journal, Erin Condren, Filofax, etc? Or if you don’t use one of those, take a few minutes to research them all and tell me what you would like to start using.
  10. What was your favorite nonfiction book that you read in 2015? How did you find it? Who wrote it? What was it about?

sisterhood

I hope everyone enjoyed getting to know about my blogging life and history. I can’t wait to hear your answers to my questions!