Boundaries | Draw Your Line

In the past I preemptively sent someone to the moon – before working through things with this person. Then I allowed this person to come back from the moon…

When I allowed them back, things seemed to go well at first. But then I started to realize that I didn’t want to play their games anymore, and I put my foot down about it. They weren’t too thrilled with me for that…

Before I had enough game playing, we dealt with the things we hadn’t before I’d sent them to the moon. So when I sent them back to the moon, I knew that’s where they belonged.

I put up boundaries, not because I was trying to change them, but, because I could only handle so much of this person.

The decision to put the boundaries in place wasn’t easy. It was difficult and painful, and even a little ugly. Unpleasant names were used by both of us and insults were hurled. Contact with them was completely severed.

It’s been almost a year and this person is still on the moon. I don’t think about them unless the SOUL HOUSE and/or BOUNDARIES are brought up or discussed. I feel like I’m a bit better of a person because I civilly worked through things with them and then put them where they truly deserved to be.

Boundaries aren’t usually easy.

Boundaries aren’t always pretty.

But BOUNDARIES are absolutely necessary because you need to know where to DRAW YOUR LINE.


  • Who is allowed in your house?
    • You permit these people to see all sides of you – the good, the bad, the ugly, etc.
  • Who is on your porch?
    • You allow these people to be very close to your core, but you still keep a little bit of distance
  • Who is in your yard?
    •  You are close with, but you prefer to keep it light and more superficial
  • Who is just on the other side of the fence?
    • Who do you talk to, on your terms, and at a specific distance?
  • Who is down on the corner?
    • You are friends with them, but they’re more like acquaintances do you keep them at more of a distance than your fence
  • Who is at Starbucks?
    • Who do you have in your life that you need to limit your time with to something like thirty minutes to an hour?
  • Who is up on the space station?
    • Who do you really have to limit your time with? Who makes you just feel worse after being around them or talking to them?
  • Who is on the moon?
    • Who was toxic that you have you cut ties with? Who has absolutely no place in your life anymore?
  • Who SHOULD be on the moon?
    • Who is toxic in your life? Who do you need to cut ties with? Who can you realistically cut out of your life?

Take some baby steps

  • Tune into your feelings
  • Name your limits
  • Be direct
  • Give yourself permission
  • Practice self-awareness
  • Consider your past & present
  • Make self-care a priority
  • Seek support
  • Be assertive
  • Start small

National Adoption Month Posts

November was a bit of a rough month for me. I participated in Ashley Mitchell‘s Adoption Awareness Month Photo-a-Day Challenge. I somehow managed to get all of my posts up on the days they were supposed to go up, even if it wound up being at night. Granted, I did snag the sneak peek preview of Ashley’s prompts when she put them on her Insta-story in like September and started working on them then. So, I definitely had time to prep everything before they went up…

Nov 1 – Accountability
Nov 2 – Broken
Nov 3 – Community
Nov 4 – DNA
Nov 5 – Ethics
Nov 6 – Fake
Nov 7 – Growth
Nov 8 – Honor
Nov 9 – Ignorance
Nov 10 – Jealousy
Nov 11 – Kindness
Nov 12 – Language
Nov 13 – Motives
Nov 14 – Navigation
Nov 15 – Options
Nov 16 – Promises
Nov 17 – Questions
Nov 18 – Roles, Rights, Responsibilities
Nov 19 – Stereotypes
Nov 20 – Timing
Nov 21 – Unknown
Nov 22 – Vulnerable
Nov 23 – Worth
Nov 24 – eXcuses
Nov 25 – Yearning
Nov 26 – Zip It

I’ll come back later once I’ve pulled myself together and share some thoughts on the month.

Riptide RELASE BLITZ

Riptide Cover finalSynopsis:

Avery Dacosta never expected to find a protester in front of her office.

Especially not now, when she’s this close to achieving a professional milestone years in the making: building a luxury hotel on Playa Vieja, San Diego’s untouched beach paradise.

Finn Travis, local surfer and all-around nice guy, never expected to find himself the leader of Playa Vieja’s resistance. He’s more of a mellow tree-hugger than a radical activist. Except Avery’s hotel threatens to destroy the place he loves the most. For the first time in his life, Finn decides to use his charisma for more than just attracting his next fling.

Avery’s worked too hard to let a bongo-playing hippie like Finn shatter her perfect future. And his naive idealism grates on her every nerve.

She’s not alone in her loathing: Finn thinks Avery is a greedy, corporate robot.

As Avery and Finn crash together like waves against the shore, their debates become heated. Sexy.

Dirty.

But the riptide of their attraction jeopardizes more than just their ideological values. Can Avery and Finn be together without giving up what they care about the most?

Cropped image of sensual beautiful young couple having sex on bed

Handsome muscular man holding surfboard over blue sky with white clouds.

Riptide Graphic 3


Author Bio:

author photoKathryn Nolan writes erotic romance novels and quick-and-dirty novellas. She loves a smart, strong heroine. She likes her heroes filthy-mouthed (and not afraid to bend a little).

And she’s all about that slow-burn sexual tension.

When she’s not at her day job (which is top-secret) she enjoys feminism, foreplay and having her nose in a book.

She’s a morning writer, a bike commuter, and the world’s biggest X-Files fan.


Author Links:


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South Dakota

South Dakota recently passed legislation that allows adoption agencies to discriminate against LGBTQIA couples. It passed, 43-20-7.

I know there are people in the world today who have very different opinions about the community than I do, but that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to share with you my feelings and opinions about the bill that SD has passed.


 

I talked with my sister about this and she said, “I wish this was something no one had to feel any way about because I wish it wasn’t a thing that happened.” And that’s how I feel about it too. But as a birthmom, maybe I have stronger feelings than someone who doesn’t know the adoption process or have any connection to it.

I feel that adoption should be available to anyone who wants to expand their family that way, LGBTQIA couples included. I honestly don’t understand why people would say that they’re not worthy of being able to adopt. It pains me to think that. LGBTQIA couples can be amazing parents, just like heterosexual couples.

Why are they different? To me, they’re not.

When I chose the family to place my daughter, I felt it that they were right. It wouldn’t have happened with the agency we used, but if the family I fell for had been part of the LGBTQIA community, it wouldn’t have mattered. At all. I knew they were right because I just felt it in my heart and my gut.

But South Dakota passing this bill that legally allows discrimination against these couples is preventing prospective birthmoms from having that same moment when looking through profiles as they just connect and know they’re right. It’s forcing couples to go through lawyers, which can be more expensive and take more time and effort.

I have a good friend, Courtney of Living Queer, who is part of the LGBTQIA community, so I asked them a few questions.

Q: As part of the LGBTQIA community, would you and your partner consider adoption?
       A: Yes we would

Q: Because you can technically pass as female, would you make it known to the agency that you are an LGBTQIA couple or would you fear discrimination and not tell?
       A: I honestly would probably fear discrimination and not tell unless I had continued my transition and couldn’t pass anymore


 

In doing more research, I’ve discovered that other states (Michigan, North Dakota, and Virginia) have similar bills that allow discrimination without fear of retribution. I wasn’t aware of this, and it bothers me. I live in one of those states.

It will also allow agencies to discriminate against single and divorced people, couples who engage in premarital sex, interfaith couples, and anyone else whose behavior or identity violates an agency’s “religious belief or moral conviction.”

Sen. Alan Solano is a Republican from Rapid City. He wrote the bill with help from a staff member of Catholic Social Services. They are an agency who will only place infants with couples who are opposite sex, married at least two years, and unable to conceive children on their own, among other requirements.


 

I don’t know why I thought that this was something new, or that similar things hadn’t already happened in other states, but even days/weeks later, it makes me upset. I hate the idea that there are couples out there who are being denied the chance to adopt. There are so many couples (straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, of differing faiths, it doesn’t matter) who are wanting to adopt, but there are these rules that are preventing them from doing so with certain agencies.

And yes, I understand that there are other ways to adopt than private agencies. But that could require going through the state foster system, and that can cause more stress than necessary.

Yes, every child deserves a loving home, but some couples just don’t have it in them to handle the foster system. Especially if the child is older and can go back to their case worker and say they don’t like the family they’re with. That may be something the couple isn’t emotionally ready to face.

Riptide Cover Reveal

Handsome muscular man holding surfboard over blue sky with white clouds.


Synopsis:Riptide Cover final

Avery Dacosta never expected to find a protester in front of her office.

Especially not now, when she’s this close to achieving a professional milestone years in the making: building a luxury hotel on Playa Vieja, San Diego’s untouched beach paradise.

Finn Travis, local surfer and all-around nice guy, never expected to find himself the leader of Playa Vieja’s resistance. He’s more of a mellow tree-hugger than a radical activist. Except Avery’s hotel threatens to destroy the place he loves the most. For the first time in his life, Finn decides to use his charisma for more than just attracting his next fling.

Avery’s worked too hard to let a bongo-playing hippie like Finn shatter her perfect future. And his naive idealism grates on her every nerve.

She’s not alone in her loathing: Finn thinks Avery is a greedy, corporate robot.

As Avery and Finn crash together like waves against the shore, their debates become heated. Sexy.

Dirty.

But the riptide of their attraction jeopardizes more than just their ideological values. Can Avery and Finn be together without giving up what they care about the most?

Cropped image of sensual beautiful young couple having sex on bed


Buy Links: Coming April 4th


Author Bio:

author photoKathryn Nolan writes erotic romance novels and quick-and-dirty novellas. She loves a smart, strong heroine. She likes her heroes filthy-mouthed (and not afraid to bend a little).

And she’s all about that slow-burn sexual tension.

When she’s not at her day job (which is top-secret) she enjoys feminism, foreplay and having her nose in a book.

She’s a morning writer, a bike commuter, and the world’s biggest X-Files fan.


Author Links:


Riptide Giveaway

Giveaway:

https://gleam.io/2a8Eq/riptide-cover-reveal-giveaway


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Tempting Series Cover Reveal

 


Synopsis:

Tempting Teaser 3Tempting
Amazon Erotic Best Seller

His body climbing over mine.
My teeth biting his neck.
His scent on my skin.
My nails carving a path down his back.
His commands whispered in my ear.
All of my senses filled with him.
I knew it was bad. But I craved more.

It had begun innocently enough, bumping into one another in a crowded Boston bar. What followed that night had been anything but innocent.

Because I’d known, even as he’d slid inside of me, that he was my professor. I’d pursued him, a predator stalking its prey.

And he didn’t know I was his student.

But he would.

***

Author’s note: This isn’t a jail bait student/teacher novel with a butterflies-in-the-belly kind of romance. The characters portrayed in this novel are consenting adults with functioning brains. If curse words, sex, and hard ass college professors with secrets offend you, move right along.


Beguiling teaser 1v3Beguiling:

Hate: to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward.

Scarlet Jennings, the preacher’s daughter who lived across the street, was a royal, uptight pain in my ass. When she looked at me, she saw a college quarterback asshole with rocks for brains, but she didn’t have a single word for what was happening between us.

When we were forced to ride together every single day that summer, there was definitely some dislike going on. Extreme hostility was a given, considering that we were spending so much time together in close quarters.

One night of bed-breaking, body-shattering, lose-your-voice-from-screaming passion had surprised us both, but it was only just the beginning…


Provocative:

Coming home to a quiet, dark house.
Meals by myself, because she was already done.
Excuses and apologies, they were never enough.
But even with that, when I touched her—when she arched under me and pulled me deeper— we couldn’t get back to where we needed to be.
Where we used to be.
It was all frustration.
Loneliness.
Loss.

Because even though she was no longer my student, the chemistry was always there.
Adele and I loved each other.
We thought we were unshakeable.
But love isn’t always enough.
It wasn’t enough when I constantly disappointed her.
It wasn’t enough when loss cleaved us in two.
And when she left me, love was not enough.
She didn’t know yet that I’d never stop fighting for her.
But she would.

**Author’s note- Let’s be real clear that this is BOOK TWO of a duet, and you’re going to want to read Tempting before you read this one. Adele and Nathan started their story in that book, and you’ll get the same sex, fighting, and cursing that you did in the first. But if you want it to make sense, read Tempting first. If any of that offends you, please avoid them both.**


Addicted GraphicAddicted:

Addiction: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming.

Ruby was sin and sex.
The ultimate indulgence and worth every penny she cost me. I paid for her body, but didn’t know she’d end up embedded in my soul.
Elias was dark and tempting.
Unmatched in intensity and passion compared to my other clients. He handed me cash in exchange for my touch, and he dug himself into my heart instead.
Money changes things, firms up the lines of a relationship. But when it becomes an addiction—an all-consuming, life-changing addiction—the lines are completely obliterated.  


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Author Bio:

Alex Lucian is an author living on the eastern coast of the United States who appreciates being anonymous, for personal and professional reasons. Tempting is Alex’s first novel.


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Giveaway: https://gleam.io/ptOrk/the-tempting-series-box-set-cover-reveal


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Open Letter to Prospective Birthmother

Hey there love,

I know things right now are scary. I’ve been in your shoes. I know how you feel.

You’re afraid of judgement on your situation. You’re afraid your child will grow up and hate you for placing them. You might be afraid that the adoptive parents will break their promises down the road.

I heart stories about all kind of different ways adoptions turned out. I know there is no way to predict how things will go down the road, so all you can ready do is hope for the best.

My daughter was placed when she was ten days old. Her parents didn’t have any kids before, so we’re all navigating open adoption for the first time together. But now I want to share some things I’ve learned along the way.

If your adoption agency allows you to have a hand in choosing the family to place your child with, do it. It can be overwhelming, but I highly suggest following your gut. You’ll know the right family when you see them.

When you go into labor and deliver your baby, there will be lots of emotions. You may cry, and that’s totally okay. See your baby when you feel ready. Don’t let anyone rush you or tell you you shouldn’t.

Take pictures of your baby. Take pictures of you together. Send them to the adoptive parents if you can. Those moments with him/her in the hospital are precious memories. Having those pictures and memories are a help when you’re having a bad day – or at least they have been for me.

Don’t be afraid of the social worker who comes in while you’re in the hospital. It’s standard procedure, and they just want to make sure you weren’t pressured into choosing adoption for your child.

You are not less of a person because of the choice you made to place. I know you might feel that way, but I promise you are still such an amazing person. Do not let anyone make you feel bad about the decision you made.

You are giving the family you choose such an amazing gift. You are giving them a baby! You are gaining a new family through your child’s adoption. Enjoy your new life to come!

xoxo
Katy

#AdoptionTalk – Navigating Open Adoption & My Feelings

 

It’s never an easy thing to navigate through open adoption, especially if it’s the first time for all involved.

My birth daughter’s adoptive parents and I are currently navigating our open adoption. We are always re-evaluating things as she grows up. For example, our visits for the first two years were lunches in restaurants. Then we realized that that wasn’t going to work since she was more active an independent. So our most recent visit also included letting her run around a play area in the mall.

Things will continue to change as she gets older, and that’s how it should be. What works now when she’s a toddler won’t be the same as whatever works when she’s eleven or twelve.

I’ve seen other open adoptions through social media that are very different from mine, but that’s the nature of the situation. Every adoption, every family, every birthmom, they all vibe differently and their structures vary.


I was originally scared of open adoption, and didn’t think that I wanted one. I had heard so many horror stories about adoptive parents who would go back on their word about updates and visits and communication. Leaving the birthmom or birthparents hurt and clueless and wondering what happened.

But now, two and a half years into my open adoption, I honestly love it. We don’t have one where we talk or see each other all the time. We get together twice a year. They send updates halfway between visits. If something major happens, I know I can email them and they’ll respond within a few days. I’ve done it when family members were very ill or passed away.

At this point, I couldn’t imagine if I had gone with a closed adoption. The pain of not knowing what my daughter looks like or who she’s growing up to be. It would be too much to bear.

I know that it’s not for everyone one, and that’s perfectly fine. But it is definitely something that I would encourage birthmoms to think about when making an adoption plan for their child.


adoptiontalkbutton2016-e1452013232524
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Blog Tour: ILLUSION OF ECSTASY by Nicole Loufas

illusion-of-ecstasy-coverSynopsis:

When Dani discovered the cash hidden in her attic, she had no idea the problems it would bring. With the help of the Marino’s, Dani is able to launder her father’s dirty money, but their help comes with a price. Her relationship with Matt.

Not wanting to hurt Dani’s future or freedom, Matt removes himself from the equation to keep everyone safe. But when it’s time to go home, he has to decide which is more important – watching his little sister grow up or returning to the girl of his dreams.

Nick is determined to make good on all the bad he’s caused, and has finally accepted his role as a Marino. Fate doesn’t make it easy for him. Especially, when he returns from Europe to find Dani is falling apart. With Matt out of the picture, Nick contemplates a future with the only girl he’s ever loved.

In the conclusion to Thizz, A Love Story, follow Dani, Matt, and Nick on a soul-searching journey into adulthood. The Illusion of Ecstasy explores the emotional tribulations they encounter without the help of thizz. How to deal with real emotion becomes the biggest obstacle of all on their road to maturity.

Buy Links:


Author Bio:bio-pic

Nicole was born and raised in California. She claims to be a San Francisco native, however she’s lived in both Northern and Southern California. She credits her creativity to the fact that she attended 12 schools between kindergarten and her senior year in high school. Her nomadic childhood allowed her to reinvent herself often. Some might say she was a liar. While others see the stories she told as a coping mechanism. Twelve schools, in six cities, in twelve years – give her a break. Today she channels her storytelling ability into writing novels. Long story short – kids that lie become writers. 

Author Links:


Excerpts:

 

  • ONE:

 

Nick and I circle each other for a few minutes. I wait for him to make the first move. He always makes the first move. To my surprise, he just keeps circling and smiling. Finally, I go for it. I lunge, and he falls against the padded headboard. Wood cracks. I keep wailing on him with the pillow. Nick grabs me around my knees and takes me down. He tries to pin me using a move I taught him. He has no chance. I arch my back and twist my body. Before Nick can take his next breath, I’ve got him flipped over. We’re both breathing heavy. I hold Nick by the neck, not too hard. I don’t want to hurt him. Not really. I’m lying on my back, my arm wrapped around his neck as he’s lying beside me, sort of in front of me. I feel his hand tap out at the same time the screen on the front door squeaks open and then slams shut.

Nick starts to laugh when Dani appears in the doorway.

She takes in the room. The comforter on the floor, the sheets askew. Nick in my arms. She’s trying really hard to keep a straight face. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Just working out some aggression,” Nick jokes and breaks free.

I want to ask what she’s doing here, but I suspect Nick had everything to do with it. The phone call, changing the sheets, it makes sense now. That thoughtful motherfucker.

“I can come back later,” she teases and breaks into a huge grin. Her face lights up. She only beams like this when she’s high. There is only one person who could’ve given her pills.

Nick jumps off the bed and wraps Dani in his arms. He pulls back and kisses her on the forehead. Her eyes flutter closed, and all I can think is—karma is a bitch.

Young couple in love wrapped in plaid standing and looking at each other

 

  • TWO:

 

“Are you touching my girl?” Matt asks with phony exasperation.  

“I was thinking that maybe I could keep this area.” Nick swirls his free hand over my thigh. “You don’t need it, do you?”

I bite my lip to hold in the traitorous grin trying to escape. I’m not with Nick. That doesn’t mean I don’t find him attractive and I still care about him. Falling out of love with Nick has taken a lot longer than falling in love with him.

I slap Nick’s hand away and shrug Matt’s arm off my shoulders. “First of all, I’m not some piece of real estate you can divvy up for your own personal use. I’m a human. I say who gets what and when.” I cross my arms over my chest and try to look like I’m in control.

They look at each other and silently agree on something. Nick and Matt have a twin-thing. They always know what the other is thinking.  

“Ok,” Matt says. “Who gets what?”

Loving couple in the park

 

  • THREE

 

I lock the gate and pause for a second to prepare myself for whatever is about to happen. The realization that I’m going to spend the night alone with Matt slaps me across the face.

I go back upstairs and find Matt standing in front of the living room window. He turns at the sound of my footsteps on the hardwood floor. The expression on his face makes me nervous. I turn from the hallway into the kitchen to avoid the intense look in his eyes.  

“There’s no food here, but we can raid my mom’s wine rack downstairs. I just need to go to my apartment and grab my toothbrush,” I ramble. Because rambling feels safe. “We can stop at Golden Boy and get a pizza on our way back.” I open the refrigerator hoping to find a bottle of courage sitting on the top shelf.

“Are you hungry?” he asks.

“Uh, not really.” I close the door and we lock eyes.

He looks sexy as hell leaning against the doorframe. Pizza and my toothbrush are the last things on my mind as he steps towards me.

“Me either,” he says.

He reaches for my hand and pulls me into his arms. I try not to think about what this means or what will happen tomorrow.

He leans in and kisses me. Even though our lips touched in the past; the emotions I’m feeling right now weren’t fueling that moment. This kiss wasn’t instigated by a dare. We have no audience. Nothing holding us back. I relax into Matt’s arms and let this thing between us finally take over.


Playlist:

  • I hate you. I love you, Gnash
  • You & Me, Marc E. Bassey
  • Say You Won’t Let Go, James Arthur
  • Dream, Imagine Dragons
  • Like I’m Gonna Lose You, Meghan Trainor
  • Make Up Your Mind, Jake Etheridge
  • The Whistle Song, Juelz Santana
  • Bartender, T-Pain
  • I Wanna Love You, Akon
  • Where’d You Go, Fort Minor
  • Over My Head, The Fray
  • Happy, Leona Lewis

Spotify Link: https://open.spotify.com/user/campbell.jena/playlist/6jDwQTUKrvL6Z2hGVkmhy2


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Just One More Minute (NaBloPoMo – Day 22)

review a book you’ve read this month


Unfortunately, life has gotten kinda crazy for me, and I haven’t had a chance to finish this book, but I’m 80% through it and hopefully will finish tomorrow.

**scroll to bottom of post for review**
(COMING SOON)

Anyway, Just One More Minute by Elizabeth Barone released this past Friday November 18th!

JOMM.png

Title: Just One More Minute
Series: (Not Just Any Love Duology, Book 1)
Author: Elizabeth Barone
Genre: Second Chance Contemporary Romance
Cover Design: CJPB Designs
Release Date: November 18th, 2016


BLURB

A down-on-her-luck waitress inherits a bakery with the man who stole her dream job—and broke her heart.

Rowan left Connecticut to escape her indifferent family the second she graduated high school, but when her loving aunt dies, she drops everything to return for the funeral. All Rowan wants is to say her goodbyes and get back to her life—until her aunt’s lawyer tells her that she’s inherited Elli’s Bakery, the last straw that sent her running.

Even worse, her brand new business partner is Matt—the guy who stole her dream job at Elli’s and crushed her heart. Is she really supposed to just forgive him and run Elli’s by his side?

For Matt, Elli’s has been a safe haven, a way to take care of his heartsick mom and fatherless little brother. When the woman who took him in passes away, Matt has no idea what he’s going to do next. Until Rowan returns to their small town and becomes his new business partner. But after everything that went down between them, it’s clear that Rowan resents him.

Digging up the past will only be painful, and Matt needs to keep the bakery in business. Can Matt convince Rowan to stick around long enough to work things out between them?

Just One More Minute is a standalone small town bakery romance.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Elizabeth Barone is an American novelist who writes contemporary New Adult romance and suspense, starring sassy belles who chose a different path in life. Her debut novel, Sade on the Wall (writing as Kaylene Campbell), was a quarterfinalist in the 2012 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest.

She is the author of the South of Forever series and several other novels. When not writing, Elizabeth is very busy getting her latest fix of Yankee Candle, spicy Doritos chips, or whatever TV show she’s currently binging.

Elizabeth lives in northwestern Connecticut with her husband, a feisty little cat, and too many books.

Website: http://elizabethbarone.net
Blog: http://thecrazychronicles.com
Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/iUQp1
Twitter: http://twitter.com/elizabethbarone
Facebook: http://facebook.com/elizabethbaronebooks
Instagram: http://instagram.com/elizabethbarone


LINKS

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28509143-just-one-more-minute

Pre-Order Price: $0.99
Regular Price: $2.99

Permalink: http://elizabethbarone.net/not-just-any-love-series/

Amazon: http://amzn.to/2esedCs
iBooks: http://apple.co/2eut2Fq
Nook: http://bit.ly/2eeZdd9
Kobo: http://bit.ly/2eC6uAI
Google Play: http://bit.ly/2egozKg
Smashwords: http://bit.ly/2eOSTcL
Overdrive: TBA

More Stores: http://books2read.com/justonemoreminute